Gender Neutral Living  ~  by Kaiven Fenton M.S.

Being and expressing what you naturally are, ought to be a human right. It is for many, but a minority of human beings do not have that right, nor do they have the freedom to be who they naturally are, without fear of retribution from society. This minority of humans includes males who embody many of the qualities considered "feminine" and females who embody many of the qualities considered "masculine."

Animals, plants and humans used to all be called either males or females until someone or some group, decided that human males would henceforth be called "man," "boy" and "masculine" and human females would be called "woman," "girl" and "feminine." 

If it weren't for these inhumane labeling changes, which I believe took place eons ago, human males and females would still be able to be who they naturally are without scorn or fury from other humans, just as plants and animals still are.

Along with those new labels were firmly attached attributes, qualities, characteristics, traits, skills and talents that each male or female would or should be expected to exhibit, whether it was innate, inborn or not. Those labels were called "masculine" or "feminine." If you had male genitalia you must possess or express certain qualities considered and deemed to be "masculine" and if you had female genitalia you must possess or express qualities considered and deemed to be "feminine." This of course goes against all human nature to express and be what we naturally feel at the basic level of humanity and had caused extreme pain, humiliation and injustice for many.

It was no doubt left to religious males to decide the most appropriate or desirable attributes that each human sex should possess and exhibit. Females and probably "feminine" males had no say in the new definitions. In those days, females weren't allowed to even talk politics, let alone have any say in religious or political matters, like deciding which attributes should be permanently assigned to which sex. Religions probably had the largest say.

And so it was required by law for all humans to adopt and live according to the assigned attributes for their sex. It didn't matter whether the attributes were natural to a person or not. These erroneous labels were totally accepted by Society and we have been forced to live by them for many, many decades now or be subjected to cruel and inhumane treatment. Plants and animals however, remained as male and female. Do you ever wonder why? In this twenty-first century, we should not be expected to continue to follow ancient "men's" erroneous ideas and beliefs of their time; that our genitalia is the sole determinate for what qualities, characteristics, attributes, talents, skills and traits we possess.

Although a majority of people's attributes and qualities fit the required genitalia a person had, a minority of folks did not. Millions of us were and still are forced to refrain from experiencing and expressing our natural characteristics, traits, abilities and qualities for fear of retaliation of some sort. If we don't follow the accepted roles, we are frequently abused emotionally and often physically, especially young males; a bit less in the twenty-first century than in past centuries, but still outrageous and painful.

By the year 2000 the younger generation began to protest being forced into a role according to their genitalia. I grew up in the nineteen-forties and fifties in New England and was forced by my mother and society, to play the role of "girl" and "woman" which was not a natural one for me. I could not play with "boy" toys like I wanted to, or act in anyway like "boys" were allowed to act, or I was admonished by my mother or society . As a working adult in the late nineteen-fifties, I was asked to attend "charm school" in the John Hancock Life Insurance Co. in Boston, on company time. There I was taught how to walk, sit and move my body in a "womanly" or "feminine" manner. I had a naturally very long stride, too long for a woman and my mannerisms were not "feminine" enough.

As a female growing up, along with other females labeled "girl" and "woman," we suffered mostly emotionally and psychologically if we did not fit into our role. I had "too many" natural internal "masculine" attributes, qualities and characteristics, so "masculine" men felt justified in making condescending remarks and used other emotional "put downs," like telling me I'm "trying" to be a "man," or "you're not acting like a woman."

I never had the right to be and express what I truly was without negative comments and attitudes towards me. In my sixties, I built a two hundred square foot shed and I received comments from males that, "for a woman" I did a really good building job. My natural building skills, talents and ability I'd gained during my life were not recognized as belonging to me, only as a "woman" with "man's" abilities. Many females have felt the painful effects of not being accepted, or not "staying in our place," or being "too big for our britches," "stepping out of bounds," or "acting like a man." It has been quite painful for me, as well as many other females with "masculine" qualities and attributes to hide our true nature, or when expressing it, be berated in some way.

Think about it for a minute. Those "so called "masculine" qualities that are a natural and internal part of a female, cannot possibly belong only to males. How can they when many females possess them naturally? Also, so called "feminine" attributes, that are a natural and internal part of males, cannot possibly belong only to females. How can they when many males possess them naturally? 

For a minority of males the erroneous classifications and labeling are meant to enforce "masculinity" attributes, changing a male's natural "feminine" attributes in order to fit the disingenuous roles assigned to their sex. Millions of young and older males have suffered psychologically and often physically at the hands of "men" who believe the false labels to be true. The labels allow for, as well as justify actions by many to belittle, criticize, chastise, reprimand and physically torture or kill males for the cause of "masculinity" enforcement, you might say.

Often a young male has and still does commit suicide because the great emotional pain caused because society's abuse is too great to overcome by himself. Unlike for adults, society does not provide help in the form of anonymous groups for young males and females subjected to discriminating and sexist abuse because of belief in society's belief in the erroneous labels and definitions of "man" and "boy" and the "masculine" attributes attached.

Those false labels have prevented millions of humans to be who they naturally are internally, at their deepest levels, with whatever attributes, skills, traits, abilities or characteristics they were born with, or developed. Why are we still forcing a minority of human beings to play or conform to uncomfortable roles, (that the majority probably feel comfortable with,) or else suffer mental or physical indignation of some kind?

Human identity is connected to our deepest and most natural basic nature with characteristics, qualities, attributes and traits and ought not be determined by or sexual organs. No human should ever ask, threaten, assume or suggest we humans should internally change in order to fit the erroneous and stereotypical behavior indicated by the labels or be punished somehow. It goes against our human Nature. 

It is my hope that in the twenty-first century those labels will be banned or outlawed so humans can return to our natural and original labels of male, young male, female and young female, with absolutely no demands that certain attributes, abilities, traits or characteristics be based on genitalia. Two to four percent of humans are born with both male and female genitals. However, genitals have absolutely no connection whatsoever to the characteristics, qualities or attributes a human is born with, or should possess.

In the last century, a few individuals have begun to realize the labels of “masculine” and “feminine” are responsible for the suffering of untold millions. Emotional abuse of females has begun to be more exposed in the past few decades. For example, females who do not stay "in their place" as "women," following their prescribed role, set by the men eons ago, have demanded their basic human rights. Males have had to organize groups to go off in secluded areas to discuss and share feelings on the topic of "what is a man." The elimination of employment opportunities categorized by "male" and "female" in newspapers, ended in the nineteen sixties or so.

I believe we ought to allow all people to be and express who they naturally are, regardless of their genitalia. Qualities, attributes, traits, skills and abilities ought to be seen and accepted as natural again. In order to do this, society would need to eliminate the false labels of "masculine" and "feminine" and create new neutral, non-gendered labels, not connected to a person's sex, like “apple and orange,” to indicate qualities and attributes previously called "masculine" and "feminine." For instance we could use “orange,” or choose some other neutral label, to refer to previously called “feminine” attributes and use “apple,” or some other neutral label, to refer to previously called “masculine” attributes.

Over the span of a few decades, those six erroneous labels of "man, boy, woman, girl, masculine and feminine"  will die from lack of use. People can freely be the human being they naturally are, without retribution. They will finally be able to express their "apple" or "orange" attributes, characteristics, qualities, traits, skills and talents without shame, regardless of their genitals, or physical appearance and without fear of retribution from society.

In reality there is absolutely no connection to the outdated and erroneous connection between one's genitals and the deep down true qualities and characteristics of a human being. When society has decided to eliminate those six erroneous labels, we can borrow a neutral word from another language which will refer to either sex and adopt that word in our US society.

Without genitals dictating or defining millions of lives, there will be absolutely no  basis or reason for someone to harass or abuse anyone for not having or exhibiting their natural “orange” or “apple” characteristics, traits, qualities, skills, or abilities. There will be no more shame for the many millions, who for centuries, have had to hide in the shadows out of fear of parental or societal retribution including myself, for exhibiting the wrong roles or having the "wrong" internal characteristics, talents, attributes, traits, skills, abilities and gifts for a female or male body. Internal natural instincts and intuition will define us, not our genitalia.

Freedom to be me…wow what a concept! It brings tears to my eyes at just the thought of being able to live with the cultural freedom to express my natural talents, skills and abilities openly, without being condescended to, told I'm trying to be a "man." Also for many young males especially, being threatened, tortured, humiliated, killed or ending their own lives, for which society ought to at least begin to provide support in the form of anonymous groups.

I will not live long enough to experience this freedom, but other younger current presumed “misfits” may. However, it could take another century at least, for generations of  humans to evolve enough to experience the freedom of being who they naturally are.

My friends, family and I have been using the non-sexist "apple and orange" labels for over forty years, easily and effectively. Surgeons are making billions by cutting up bodies to more match the false sexist labels. This, instead of changing the labels to more match people's natural internal qualities, characteristics, attributes and behavior, with NO surgeries needed. 

My hope is that everyone will realize that, "You and your body are not flawed or defective. Only society is!"

Feedback, opinions, email kaiventwospirit@gmail.com